This is my final blog - why? Because I am an absolutely useless blogger :) (I said blogger!)
I just cannot find the time to write them - I am clearly busy doing nothing! This one will be a bit of a marathon sorry as a lot of ground to cover - roughly 1200 miles - from Vale to Longoio
I am not one for New Year resolutions but I have actually for the first time in ages made one I intend to keep. Stop worrying!
I have spent hours worrying over things that I cannot change to the point of feeling sick. I will not bore you with the detail as this would simply be self indulgent pish but for my dear friend Helen I include my tortured artist self portrait as requested further down and thank my dear friend Sue for her words of wisdom regarding what does or does not define us as people. Oh dear that was a bit deep.
No-more! Time is too precious, this has been hammered home to me over the past days - again the detail is not good reading and not entertaining at all but needless to say gave me a kick up the bottom.
So I left you starting the journey to Italy. Let me try to summarise as best I can. You will recall that we should have had a much bigger car for the journey. The cat took up the majority of the car and had the best seat!
Three suitcases were following later with family containing everything from Christmas lights and a stuffed reindeer to parsnips and swede - you cannot get your hands on some essential stuff for dinner here!
We went to Dover via Maidenhead and Hyde Park - why? To pick up the cat passport from daughter number one who was far too busy being a maid of honour to get it to us herself. This did however mean that we saw the Winter Wonderland (very big and busy and WET) and daughter number 3. We stayed in Hyde Park in what was described as executive apartments - I think the photo below speaks for itself. The bed was a piece of foam over chip board. Dave asked if they had any rooms with proper mattresses and was told that all the beds were the same and we were in one of the best rooms on the top floor I'll av you know!
Sooooooo onwards to Dover and into Dunkirk - I could have been transporting a lion cub as no-one asked for Peggy's passport or paid her any attention at all.
We stayed in a cracking pet friendly hotel in Switzerland to break the journey called Zum Ziel in Basel. Basel is very pretty but, as a vegetarian, finding something I could eat was a challenge. I ended up with vegetables from a Chinese buffet - they like their meat in Basel- nice enough though! (the veg not the meat that is)
Onwards to Longoio. We avoided France as much as possible and in doing so saved £250 that we had on previous journeys forked out for tolls! It was a pretty drive and should have been 4 hours longer than driving through France (yes Dave hates France that much and there were all the riots etc going on). As it turned out there was a traffic accident which resulted in us being in a jam for three hours in Milan so it was 7 hours longer in the end. We went through so many sweets and entertaining the cat was interesting!
We arrived later than planned but all in one piece. Alas, more than I can say for the house. A storm had battered the canopy at the back of the house and the pool cover. So we were greeted by a mangled metal frame and a green sludgy pool - what a Tuscan delight. My biggest worry was that our neighbour told us that his cat Tigre (daddy to the kitten) had been missing for a few weeks and presumed dead. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh the pool! First thing was to shock the pool and pull the remaining cover back - such relief - no cat! I am hopeful that he has simply run off to pastures new with his little family as they have not been seen either.
I left all the Christmas trimming etc for when daughter number 3 arrived with her boyfriend. She was coming the week before her sisters and there was the assembly of my newly purchased fake tree to consider which involved 8 foot of bits......nah not happening. I left it to her and my sister. The lights for the real tree in the garden were also in one of the above mentioned three suitcases. I did however write Christmas cards. Oh yes....none of this e card malarchy. I wrote 30 cards in all and went to the post office for 30 stamps - or so I thought. Oh no. They typed each one individually into a computer and franked them one by one. I was in the post office for nearly an hour. Not sure they saw the funny side of it. My next visit to the post office was to collect a recorded delivery letter from the Commune informing me I had not paid my bin tax and here is the backdated bill- This was the first I knew about it - Happy Christmas!
With family due to arrive we had booked a hire car (due to the lack of Big Al). We went to collect it the same day that my sister arrived with the first suitcase of goodies and she was given the pleasure of putting the tree together. I like to keep her busy when she visits.
The car was a beast - so big! This has now put fear and dread into Dave and me regarding driving big Al over here as he is a tad bigger than the seven seater we hired. Never mind - too late now!
Christmas looming my little fridge that has been fine for just visits was not going to cut it. I therefore bought a new one whilst out shopping with said sister and the old one became the beer fridge.
Remember my sweet beer deal! 35p a bottle I think. Dave was horrified that they chose to drink his red wine instead!
Eventually everyone was here but sadly Wendy and daughter number 3's boyfriend Ben had to leave before Christmas day. Bless em I think they were glad to get away! We all had a lovely time as I hope you did with your families.
Santa arrived - Babbo Natale
The weather was sunny and crisp - perfect.
Some gifts were less practical than others -
Lunch was eaten and Boxing day (San Stefano) soon came
Just a quick aside- do you know why it is called Boxing Day? Well let me enlighten you - It dates back to when the gentry gave the servants the day after Christmas off work to spend with their families and gave them a Christmas box. Or so the Google tells me!
I put on some food as you do and we met a new neighbour Benito - "good strong Scottish name" as he put it. Benito's parents are both Italian but he was born in Glasgow. According to Benito Glasgow is Scotland, then there are other parts eg Edinburgh. Previously our only contact with Benito was being sworn at by him from his car - normally calling Dave a dozy sod in Italian. On Boxing Day I learnt the difference between "sono"- "I am " and "sonno" - "sleepy/dozey". It is all about the emphasis on the "N". He was most definitely calling Dave dozey!
All over now and it is back to just, Dave, the cat and me. The cat who according to my daughter is a house cat! Oh no she's not! We have taken her into the garden with us and to start with held her with a lead, much to the neighbours amusement. She managed to slip the lead and we are now more of a tag team, literally herding cats. If we lose her we will be toast! Below is how she nags to go out. What are we to do?
Nearly up to date folks - New Years Eve was spent with an eccentric friend from the village and his friend from Pisa. It was very different to what we are used to. Whilst I did the right thing and put on my red undies in true Italian tradition, I did not throw anything old out of the window - Dave fought back and he is bigger than me!
Meanwhile daughter number 1 was at another wedding - this time Edinburgh and as one of two "best people". Thus we still have her cat. The other two were at home having a girlie new year in the house with one of their old friends Lex. Anyway - they did not think through the selfies - starting in the pub then moving to our house with Lex wearing my cardigan and an extra arm reaching for the gin in the background and the following show of appreciation for my bath."Busted". My clothes being pinched and a party going on. Hey it is nice to know that some things stay the same.
The next thing here is Befana. She is an old lady/witch who gives children sweets on twelfth night if they have been good and charcoal if they have been naughty. After that we will make the trek back to return the cat and pick up big Al. So that will be us sorted - let us see what Brexit brings.
So my last ditty
Happy New Year to one and all,
I hope this year will be a ball.
Winter, spring, summer or fall,
If you are round this way please give us a call.
I know you won't and we will drift apart,
But always remember me as a crazy old fart.
like him
Here you go Helen- my artist impression of worry for you - a style of my own I think.














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