Finale

Happy New Year - Buon Anno

This is my final blog - why? Because I am an absolutely useless blogger :) (I said blogger!)
I just cannot find the time to write them - I am clearly busy doing nothing! This one will be a bit of a marathon sorry as a lot of ground to cover - roughly 1200 miles - from Vale to Longoio

I am not one for New Year resolutions but I have actually for the first time in ages made one I intend to keep. Stop worrying!
I have spent hours worrying over things that I cannot change to the point of feeling sick. I will not bore you with the detail as this would simply be self indulgent pish but for my dear friend Helen I include my tortured artist self portrait as requested further down and thank my dear friend Sue for her words of wisdom regarding what does or does not define us as people. Oh dear that was a bit deep.

No-more! Time is too precious, this has been hammered home to me over the past days - again the detail is not good reading and not entertaining at all but needless to say gave me a kick up the bottom.

So I left you starting the journey to Italy. Let me try to summarise as best I can. You will recall that we should have had a much bigger car for the journey. The cat took up the majority of the car and had the best seat!

Three suitcases were following later with family containing everything from Christmas lights and a stuffed reindeer to parsnips and swede - you cannot get your hands on some essential stuff for dinner here!

We went to Dover via Maidenhead and Hyde Park - why? To pick up the cat passport from daughter number one who was far too busy being a maid of honour to get it to us herself. This did however mean that we saw the Winter Wonderland (very big and busy and WET) and daughter number 3. We stayed in Hyde Park in what was described as executive apartments - I think the photo below speaks for itself. The bed was a piece of foam over chip board. Dave asked if they had any rooms with proper mattresses and was told that all the beds were the same and we were in one of the best rooms on the top floor I'll av you know!

Sooooooo onwards to Dover and into Dunkirk - I could have been transporting a lion cub as no-one asked for Peggy's passport or paid her any attention at all.

We stayed in a cracking pet friendly hotel in Switzerland to break the journey called Zum Ziel in Basel. Basel is very pretty but, as a vegetarian, finding something I could eat was a challenge. I  ended up with vegetables from a Chinese buffet - they like their meat in Basel- nice enough though! (the veg not the meat that is)

Onwards to Longoio. We avoided France as much as possible and in doing so saved £250 that we had on previous journeys forked out for tolls! It was a pretty drive and should have been 4 hours longer than driving through France (yes Dave hates France that much and there were all the riots etc going on). As it turned out there was a traffic accident which resulted in us being in a jam for three hours in Milan so it was 7 hours longer in the end. We went through so many sweets and entertaining the cat was interesting!

We arrived later than planned but all in one piece. Alas, more than I can say for the house. A storm had battered the canopy at the back of the house and the pool cover. So we were greeted by a mangled metal frame and a green sludgy pool - what a Tuscan delight. My biggest worry was that our neighbour told us that his cat Tigre (daddy to the kitten) had been missing for a few weeks and presumed dead. Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh  the pool! First thing was to shock the pool and pull the remaining cover back - such relief - no cat! I am hopeful that he has simply run off to pastures new with his little family as they have not been seen either.

I left all the Christmas trimming etc for when daughter number 3 arrived with her boyfriend. She was coming the week before her sisters and there was the assembly of my newly purchased fake tree to consider which involved 8 foot of bits......nah not happening. I left it to her and my sister. The lights for the real tree in the garden were also in one of the above mentioned three suitcases. I did however write Christmas cards. Oh yes....none of this e card malarchy. I wrote 30 cards in all and went to the post office for 30 stamps - or so I thought. Oh no. They typed each one individually into a computer and franked them one by one. I was in the post office for nearly an hour. Not sure they saw the funny side of it. My next visit to the post office was to collect a recorded delivery letter from the Commune informing me I had not paid my bin tax and here is the backdated bill- This was the first I knew about it -  Happy Christmas!

With family due to arrive we had booked a hire car (due to the lack of Big Al). We went to collect it the same day that my sister arrived with the first suitcase of goodies and she was given the pleasure of putting the tree together. I like to keep her busy when she visits.

The car was a beast - so big! This has now put fear and dread into Dave and me regarding driving big Al over here as he is a tad bigger than the seven seater we hired. Never mind - too late now!

Christmas looming my little fridge that has been fine for just visits was not going to cut it. I therefore bought a new one whilst out shopping with said sister and the old one became the beer fridge.

Remember my sweet beer deal! 35p a bottle I think. Dave was horrified that they chose to drink his red wine instead!

Eventually everyone was here but sadly Wendy and daughter number 3's boyfriend Ben had to leave before Christmas day. Bless em I think they were glad to get away! We all had a lovely time as I hope you did with your families.

Santa arrived - Babbo Natale

The weather was sunny and crisp - perfect.

Some gifts were less practical than others -

Lunch was eaten and Boxing day (San Stefano) soon came

Just a quick aside- do you know why it is called Boxing Day? Well let me enlighten you - It dates back to when the gentry gave the servants the day after Christmas off work to spend with their families and gave them a Christmas box. Or so the Google tells me!

I put on some food as you do and we met a new neighbour Benito - "good strong Scottish name" as he put it. Benito's parents are both Italian but he was born in Glasgow. According to Benito Glasgow is Scotland, then there are other parts eg Edinburgh. Previously our only contact with Benito was being sworn at by him from his car - normally calling Dave a dozy sod in Italian. On Boxing Day I learnt the difference between "sono"- "I am " and "sonno" - "sleepy/dozey". It is all about the emphasis on the "N". He was most definitely calling Dave dozey!

All over now and it is back to just, Dave, the cat and me. The cat who according to my daughter is a house cat! Oh no she's not! We have taken her into the garden with us and to start with held  her with a lead, much to the neighbours amusement. She managed to slip the lead and we are now more of a tag team, literally herding cats. If we lose her we will be toast! Below is how she nags to go out. What are we to do?

Nearly up to date folks - New Years Eve was spent with an eccentric friend from the village and his friend from Pisa. It was very different to what we are used to. Whilst I did the right thing and put on my red undies in true Italian tradition, I did not throw anything old out of the window - Dave fought back and he is bigger than me!
Meanwhile daughter number 1 was at another wedding - this time Edinburgh and as one of two "best people". Thus we still have her cat. The other two were at home having a girlie new year in the house with one of their old friends Lex. Anyway - they did not think through the selfies - starting in the pub then moving to our house with Lex wearing my cardigan and an extra arm reaching for the gin in the background and the following show of appreciation for my bath."Busted".  My clothes being pinched and a party going on. Hey it is nice to know that some things stay the same.

The next thing here is Befana. She is an old lady/witch who gives children sweets on twelfth night if they have been good and charcoal if they have been naughty. After that we will make the trek back to return the cat and pick up big Al. So that will be us sorted - let us see what Brexit brings.

So my last ditty

Happy New Year to one and all,
I hope this year will be a ball.

Winter, spring, summer or fall,
If you are round this way please give us a call.

I know you won't and we will drift apart,
But always remember me as a crazy old fart.

like him

Here you go Helen- my artist impression of worry for you - a style of my own I think.

Ciao.

Time flies

Long time no update - I have been in Wales since the last rant and now getting ready to go back to Italy. I am, writing this as a sticking plaster before the next big adventure - driving Peggy the three legged cat to Italy for Christmas.

So what has been happening? Well as I said I have been in Wales enjoying the weather!!!

- We have finished my mum's fire place and other bits and bobs that she has kept adding to the "before you go" list and patched a hole in my sister's ceiling after her bathroom leaked.
(Her dog was frightened on bonfire night , hid under the bath - yes forced her way through the bath panel, and proceeded to chew the pipes. Water built up until - kaboom. Showers in the kitchen).

-My mum is now a WhatsApp queen - look out over Christmas! She has moved on quickly from sending me dodgy pictures of her thumb.

-We filled a skip - bit shocking really that I could fill a skip with rubbish when I only moved house less than three years ago!

 -My old colleagues are in the throws of inspection - weirdest feeling ever as I have not been gone long enough not to care.

-I have been to two reunions. Both were lovely in their own way, one was a works reunion and the other a school reunion.
(The works was the early shift ie arriving for a 5pm start when everyone was sober etc. I left early so missed the drunk karaoke and dodgy dancing. I arrived fashionably late for the school reunion and say with pride that my oldest school friend and I were the only inebriated dancers, actually the only dancers! There are times when I am so relieved not to be on Facebook).

- Discovered that the daughter having the quarter life crisis (no 2) has decided that her spirit animal/insect is - wait for it - a ladybird. I know! Daughter no 3 who is a total hippy even finds this hilarious! Oldest daughter (no1) returned from Thailand - still talking to the boyfriend - result.

-Cooked lunch for another old school mate and her mum who I had not seen in maybe 40 years! (Found out that she ie school mates mum not school mate, had a fling with one one of Tom Jones' security guards many moons ago - back in the day of side burns and flares! It was amazing listening to her tell so many tales. I thought she would be a sweet old lady but she talked the biggest load of smut ever - hysterical and great fun. My father-in-law truned his hearing aid off and sat away from the table - a broken man, and  my mother was left speechless -  a first! Thank you!

-Driving through Pencoed I saw the sign below that I really feel I should share really made me smile and may have been the highlight of my otherwise riveting week!

Now on to the finale for this one - the Alphard!
It has arrived in Southampton (IT IS REAL) and taken to Bristol as promised to be British-ised. Now as you will recall, we planned to drive it over to Italy. Mmmmmmmm. That should have been possible as the customs has been cleared the MOT etc done but now we have to wait for the DVLA to register it- which cannot be done on line, only by post. It will therefore join a queue of paperwork in Swansea until it is spat back out - possibly another month which means we will have to go in my little mito fitting in whatever we can. Believe me I intended to fill Big Al - please see artist impression of how little Al is likely to look tomorrow.

So rhyme time

Who would have thought not working held such stress,
Everything I try to do turns into one big mess.

I've got the cat and my Christmas stuff packed up and ready to go,
Will we get from here to there - I don't flippin know!

 

Limbo

 This will be brief as there is little to tell you -

Well back in Wales and feeling as the title suggests - in limbo. We had to come back to pick up Peggy and the car now called Big Al. Big Al left Yokohama and is en route to Southampton before reaching Bristol where we will meet our car for the first time. We have planned the route back to Italy - going from Dover to Dunkirk then through Belgium etc. Please don't take offence mates but I really cannot wait to go back. This has been really hard and my stress levels have risen - absolutely no idea why, but I am worrying for worrying sake. Ripping my nails off and scratching the back of my head until it is sore - too much information?

Anyway - this is my first genuine lazy afternoon. Dave cannot believe I am not giving him a list of jobs to do - I am scribbling lists in my aptly titled note book

with a glass of wine - trying not to worry about things I have little or no control over (- good luck with the inspection guys I genuinely hope things are ok)

So let me give you a quick update on what has been happening in Welsh Wales.
I had only been here for a couple of days before I overheard a conversation between two women that described how the one had to take her hoops out because another woman wanted to fight her - really!?

The law and order theme continued when my youngest daughters boyfriend was caught speeding and bless him he was so concerned that we nick named him Shaw-shank

Then there was their neighbour - oh my word - he lives in the flat above my daughter and Shaw shank. My daughter called me to ask about giving a statement to the police regarding her neighbour and the fact that the police had been there all day - forensics -  looking for a red handled knife. Say what!?

The most exciting thing in Italy was my neighbour losing his sheep!

(By the way my oldest daughter is in Thailand neutering cats which is why we have the Pegster and my middle daughter is having a 26 year olds life crisis).

Getting ready to go back to Italy

We have the Pegster (remember - the three legged cat) who is making a break for freedom all the time and in keeping with the above law and order theme the back is like a prisoners exercise yard! How we will manage to have her in the car with us for three days goodness knows!

My mother seems to think that my leaving work is so that she can have all the jobs that she has needed doing for the past 30 years done by Dave and me before we go back - the stock starter for 10 is " before you go to Italy can you just......."  Flipping endless! In addition to the not so small odd job list that goes from taxi to builder, I may have made a huge mistake - I have shown her how to use WhatsApp - she is now a particularly dangerous 90 year old. She does not intend giving in to age as she had me renewing her soddin passport - yep you got it " before you go to Italy......"

Whilst here have met up with lots of friends and enjoyed every minute - I am blessed to know so many lovely people - cheesey but true. I met some friends yesterday and was home before 10 - absolutely pooped. What is happening to me?
Before I leave I have two reunions yet to come -not sure I am going to live!I hope to have some good photos - just warning you party revelers.

On the subject of what is happening to me and the world in general? I have been doing a lot of Christmas preparation as I am going to be leaving first week of December so sort of lost a month. In my Christmas prep I came across the advent calendar below - again - what on earth is happening? C'mon - so wrong!

Soooooo. Told you this would be short as it is all a bit - in limbo. I want to get packed up and leave the bungalow in the hands of my daughter and Shaw-shank. Note I have not said trustworthy/capable hands etc. Italy will be home and I can start doing other things - I am thinking maybe cycling holidays - I have no intention of riding a bike by the way.

The plan for this blog is to end on New Years Day.Not much longer to suffer folks. It is so much easier telling the story once!

As promised to Heather I end with a rhyme

Back in Ogmore, by the sea.
The sound of water makes me want to pee.

We are back for just a little while,
Time to plumb, paint and tile.

We are getting  Big Al in a couple of weeks,
Hope he turns up and Dave doesn't freak!

Pranzo Dominica

I have had a couple of complaints about me missing my Sunday afternoon slot again. Well, the clue is in the title. I was being lazy out to lunch with some mates! I was in "Da Sandra" - yes that was really what the restaurant was called. One heck of a drive that we were told was 20 minutes - I don't think so!!!!! Really nice place though, eclectic decor from a hotch potch of plates on the wall to taxidermy. The wine (red) was on the table - like it or lump it, that was all there was on offer. Lots of Italian families celebrating one thing or the other. Lots of clapping. I really wanted something to clap about. Next birthday I am going there for a clap.




The week has been eventful in that Natalie came to visit.

We showed her around and low and behold - ate and drank too much! Her luggage was well over the allowance when she went home mainly due to alcohol and the two huge steaks she took home for dinner (approx a kilo each).

We crammed in a fair bit of sight seeing which I am told must not be shared with her mum as Nat only does one holiday activity per holiday as a norm. The outing that I was most concerned about in relation to Natalie surviving was a hill village called Lucchio. We had friends round for dinner (an experience in itself for poor Nat - 5 Italians and an Irishman) and we got round to the subject of things to see in the area and Rod (the same person who told us Da Sandra was 20 minutes away!) informed us of this amazing hill village.

Well - Nat has severe asthma - we are talking nebuliser, near death stuff, not your average Joe pumps. The drive just kept climbing and the roads just kept getting narrower. Dave being scared of heights started to have beads of sweat show on his brow and his knuckles clutching the steering wheel got whiter. We got to the village - the problem with a village that is built into a mountain and very steep is whatever one climbs down, one has to climb back up. I thought Nat was a gonna. Brought her back to life with - yes folks

fried pizza. Which funnily enough was on TV, "Quatro Ristorante" with Alexandro Borgaze the night Nat left. Just before " Guess my age" a most brutal Italian quiz show that Nat was disturbingly good at.

I must share one little thing with you that Nat will probably go mental with me for and I know she will be reading this! (Hi Nat - love you!). Anyway, she was sat having a natter and told us how she had been staying with some friends and every day had to use her nebuliser, as she did at our house. However, she found out some time later that her friends husband had thought the noise coming from the bedroom was a vibrator! Oh my lord, what size a contraption did he think she was using? Hilarious.

Thank you Nat for taking the time to visit - we thoroughly enjoyed your company

So it came time to travel back to Wales - we have to pick up the Alphard and my daughters three legged cat so that we can take the cat to Italy for Christmas (we are not eating it by the way). So as you can imagine the journey was not straight forward.

It started off well. We got to the airport in good time with our rather heavy food laden baggage going through - no problem. The flight arrived early in Bristol and so it began....

- There was a fire alarm which necessitated Bristol Temple Meads being evacuated
- Then the Severn Tunnel track had to be checked and we had to go to Bristol Parkway
-at Bristol Parkway we were told to change to the delayed Swansea train as it would leave before the Cardiff train we were on
- The Swansea train was then stationary in Parkway for approx 30 minutes before moving to Stoke Gifford Junction where we stopped for a bit before going back to ......... Bristol Parkway
-Eventually we set off - to Swansea via Gloucester to avoid the tunnel
-We were then told that the train would not go on to Swansea but terminate in Cardiff
-Got off in Cardiff and there was Tony Landeg! Who in conversation admitted that the smutty messages sent by Goodman referenced in the previous blog were actually sent to Goodman by Tony!!! What is the world coming to?
-Eventually got to Bridgend. Dave and I thought we would get a bite to eat and a glass of wine (suitcases in tow) before going home. We went to the Corvo Lounge where we were told that they only had chardonnay and that they had half a glass of rioja and that was it. We passed on the wine - partly because the pub had none!!
 

Anyway let me leave you with an image -

Dave unfruitfully looking for a geo cache (with Nat ) on the first iron swing bridge to be built in Italy. What a plonker - he keeps telling me that I have another 30 years of this - if I play me cards right of course!

So rhyme time -

Since leaving work I have been away from Wales,
Let's hope being back does not tip the scales.

Nat visited Italy with an unusual vibrator
God knows where she got it but Ann Summers will hate her!

Three weeks in Italy and three cats to feed
I am afraid of where this story may lead .............

PS cats are doing well

Oh my goodness

You will not believe this - just to finish the cat episode - look who has brought a surviving kitten for food under the cover of the dark -

I left them be and I think they have now waddled off with full bellies. How cool is that?

quick catch up on events

Well, I got to the house in one piece, dealt with the crawlies (well known fact in Italy - if it is coming towards you flying or crawling - IT WANTS TO BITE YOU) but this giving up work malarky is not as I expected! Not so lazy. We have been trying to put right some of the jobs that have been bodged by builders when the house was being made habitable - and I mean just habitable. These have been the things I have put up with or temporarily fixed due to having limited annual leave etc. Now we can get stuck in! Starting with hacking off the kitchen wall to deal with the wet behind it that had been simply covered over what a stink.

Soooooo what have we been up to other than pulling the house apart?
I will summarise events so as to catch up to the present time. Apologies for the length.

-Eaten and drunk far too much - of course. 

- Been eaten alive by sand flies. In Italian they are called pappataci, Dave insists that this translates into little "fuc*ers". It actually translates as  "silent eaters". You cannot hear them or see them coming but by gum you feel it later. Absolute nightmare I look like I have some rare skin disease, they bite you everywhere - I have taken to covering myself in garlic and considering resorting to marmite as they dislike both.

- Purchased 192 bottles of beer ready for Christmas (yes I know). They were half price and Moretti which made them 35p a bottle. 35p I tell you!

-On the subject of Christmas we have bought a Toyota Alphard on line to drive my daughters three legged cat over for Christmas. Peggy
Yep- never seen it - it is still in Japan. Hopefully the import company is reputable and it will arrive in Bristol in the next 4 to 6 weeks. I know what you are thinking and I too had the feeling that I may be on TV featured as the dopey sod who paid two thirds up front for a car that does not exist. Hey fingers crossed it will be fine. .

-Nicely on to cats and at the request of Helen - 2 have adopted me and constantly nag for food. One is Tigre (Tiger - never was there such an inaccurate name for a cat ), he belongs to next door and is referred to as bastardo by his owner and Dave. The other we have named Queenie (which I believe is a female cat ie queen) she is semi-feral and I think mothered Tigres kittens that were then sadly squashed by my neighbours 4x4.  I kid you not.
pictures below-specially for you Helen. The first one is Queenie, she has only a stump for a tail and is blind in one eye. Next is Tigre, keeps trying to spray in the house. I have included a picture of Peggy last. I wonder what they will make of each other as Peggy is hand reared and still very young and has never seen another cat. I am not sure she knows she is one.

- Ooo I saved enough super market stamps to get a free Slavatore cavolfiore  - I now have enough pellets to keep the stufa (pellet burner/stove) going for months but who could resist this little guy.

- Big highlight - no I lie 2 highlights - a wild boar running in front of the car and fried pizza. Seriously good stuff! Get the dough, roll it out fairly thin and just put tomato paste and mozzarella inside. Seal it and deep fry - wow!

-The boar was ginagorous and if that is not a word then it should be. See artists impression with scale below,

-Finally I am currently watching 4 Italians in their 70's pinching my walnuts. Is nothing sacred? "Hey Mrs leave my nuts alone". This brings me back nicely to the bricks taken out of the wall and living the Italian dream - my arse!

 Rhyme time - dedicated to Goodman

Been keeping in touch with a group on WhatsApp,
Some chats amusing, some chatting crap.

Messages pinging, going to and fro,
Organising a reunion, in case you didn't know.

Now I don't consider myself to be a particular prude,
But Goodman Maddocks, your far too flipping rude.

Yes I've done it, outed you by name.
Now go and hang your smutty head as you should be ashamed!

Ta dah
Ciao for now

missed the first Sunday - too lazy

Sooooo - my first ever blog!
I have called it lazy Sunday afternoon as this is about giving up work - which I have to say was an addiction - to start a new chapter in my life. No more Sunday worries about the week to come etc. I reckon I have at most a third of my life left - that is being optimistic.
I made the huge decision to do this and in my naivety agreed to do a blog. What is worse I took the challenge to include a rhyme each time. I decided  to write my blog every Sunday afternoon but missed the planned first one which should have been last Sunday - not the best start. Unlikely to keep to the planned weekly blog...........

My leaving "do" was 28.09.2018 and thank you one and all, those who made it and those who did not! Absolutely overwhelmed. The following day was the Elvis festival in Porthcawl (a brief spectator!) and on the Sunday Soft Cell at the O2 with my husband and three now grown up (ish) daughters. So no time really to dwell. Apparently Soft Cells one off concert - Say hello and wave goodbye. We shall see. My husband the cynic thinks it may be part of a come back.

Life became a little slower starting with the drive home from London to Wales on the Monday followed by an interesting lunch with my father-in-law and auntie Connie on the Tuesday before flying to Italy on Wednesday - this is the bit my friends are waiting for.

OK we get a bus at 2.30 am from Bridgend , arrive at Bristol in good time - bags checked in -no searches - no dramas. NO PLANE! The plane was delayed 4 hours for reasons I will not bore you with, The highlight of the wait was a £3 voucher for refreshments.

When we eventually land in Pisa we have to get the train to Bagni di Lucca and catch a cab to Longoio to get the car (a "R" Reg Fiat Panda called Mario who has a story all of his own that I will share at some point) - you have guessed it - NO CAB! My husband took some grief for that I can tell you.

All was not lost, after many telephone calls Marko came to the rescue, His car may have been broken but his Vespa was not. Off My husband went to get Mario (husband has a name by the way - Dave). I took one for the team and stayed looking after the bags - with a large glass of wine - what a hero.

So the rhyme.

Well I have done it folks, I have finally gone.
Gotta be honest, still feels a bit wrong.

I still have those worries, wanting it all to be fine.
I miss all my work mates - they still feel like mine!

I will blog to keep in touch, this is my first addition
Don't worry about the photo, I have their permission :)

Ta dah!
Little GDPR reference there.